nouvelle

i've really been into
doing-it-yourself recently.

it gets me really excited to
think about making something
from relative scratch and
turning into something
fully functional.

i finally bought the items
required to build cute
cubbie containers.
so that will happen this week.

i've also been drawing & painting
on a more regular basis.
so i have some images of that going on.

i also have a meeting with
the director of the art dept.
at UNCA, which i'm trying to
schedule right now.
i'm super excited about it,
but really nervous.
b/c i also think i'd be
a pretty awesome english teacher.
but mostly i think it's fear and doubt
that is making feel this way.
but also it's the stress i've been feeling
from the most strong and utmost desire
to do a full-time/almost full-time thing
with this schooling.
every once and a while the little chick in the back of my
head comes raging forward it's insecurities.
this chick is deathly afraid of being stuck.
being stuck being the one who hasn't
fully pursued her education,
being the one who is stuck cleaning
the house, the dishes, etc.
being something that is just not in her cards.
this chick makes me just absolutely
freak out sometimes.
and this happened recently.
the chick forced me to speak/freak/peak.
but, once again, i've been reassured
that i can follow my dreams,
my goals.
he loves me enough to say that.
i hope that he loves me enough to believe that.
i just am scared about work.
how in the hell can i work enough to make money/
make them happy/keep my uprising position, go to school
enough to make me happy/feel like i'm learning/progressing/
feeling efficient/feeling like i can keep up with the additional work,
keep a clean and relatively tidy apt. & have a safe
and healthy/loving/romantic/passionate/supportive relationship
all at the bloody same time?

so i made a plan-ish thing.
a 5-year goal thing-y.
in five years i'll be 28.
five years ago i was 18.
eek.
anyways,
in this thing-y i made some goals...
[which included]
-BFA [@ AB-Tech & UNCA...3yrs.]
-MFA [@ Goddard for Interdisciplinary Arts...2yrs.]
-ride a bike [you'd think i would remember, but i don't]
-drive a stick [get 'r' done]
-be @ 130 lbs. [it's def. possible]
-network ass off [more difficult...i don't LOVE talking to new people]
-submit work to mags, etc. [easy to do if the motivation is there...getting it accepted is another thing...]
-sell/offer services/work [use the internet, bitchesss]
-have/tend own garden [sweet, no?]
-keep a portfolio [should be easy enough w/my organizational skills]

lots to think about.
lots,
lots
lots.